Loneliness Assuaged

“True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness.” (Brown, Brené. “Braving the Wilderness” (p. 40). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.) This quote from a popular social science author is one many folks resonate with since it has been underlined 5243 times by folks in their kindle editions of this book. And in a time when what may be the opposite of the feeling of belonging, loneliness is rampant 25 to 40 or so percent of folks feeling lonely according Brené Brown and others.) Researcher John Cacioppo also suggests that loneliness has deleterious effects on our health and well-being.

So, is the answer the “spiritual practice of believing in yourself?” Another prolific thinker, René Girard suggests the problem is we don’t really know what we want on our own. Our desires are imitative, and we copy or borrow the desires of others. If he is on to something, then we may notice that it’s hard to determine what it means to be authentically ourselves. We are so busy comparing ourselves with others and defining who we think we should be in terms of other’s projections of themselves, we can get lost in spiral of self-creation and projection. More and more is being written on the idea that human beings are intrinsically social beings and its is in our very biology and brain neurology.

While Brené Brown and others have much good research and good things to say, and, I have no doubts that we are struggling in our society with belonging and hence feelings of loneliness, I doubt whether “believing in and belonging to yourself” is the answer. We do need that which we can believe in (in terms of trust the other) and we need to belong. My assessment is that what we believe in and belong to must be beyond ourselves.

Theologians have suggested we have a God shaped void in our lives that can only really be filled in only one way, with a relationship with God. If we listen to Jesus I believe we begin to discover how we are to satisfy our need for an other to imitate and our need to be in a meaningful relationship with this other. Notice John 13:34-35:

“And now I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. If you have love for one another, then everyone will know that you are my disciples.”

And Paul in Romans 8:9” But you do not live as your human nature tells you to; instead, you live as the Spirit tells you to—if, in fact, God's Spirit lives in you.”

And as we look to Jesus as the one to imitate and as the one in whom we can believe and to whom we belong, we are inducted into the body of Christ, the community of believers as disciples of Christ.

I believe we find the key to unlocking our isolation and hence our loneliness, for we enter the fellowship of faith and begin to understand who we are as children of God. From this life changing encounter with the grace of God in Jesus, we can live into the life God gives us. If we follow Jesus, I believe aren’t trapped in covetousness and begin to become the individual God enabled us to be. God’s word to us in Jesus and through scripture becomes invaluable in showing us the way.

While we do not enter our relationship with God through Jesus as way to find fellowship, we do, I believe, find fellowship is a consequence of the relationship. We recognize we are members of God’s family and invited into a community of faith. Participating in worship, in study, in service, and other activities of a family of faith are not just duties to be done rather they are ways of living into the life God gives and the journey into new life God enables. Through our attentiveness to our relationship to God, we may find that God gives us a fellowship that addresses our loneliness and is a tangible component of belonging in God’s family.

Grace and peace,

Norman